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Horse History, Legends and Boasts


A certain king was angry with one of his lords and put him in prison. Wanting to keep him there, the king said he would only set him free if the lord could find and bring to court a horse which was neither gray nor black, brown nor bay, white nor roan, dun, chestnut, nor piebald -- in short, the king enumerated every possible color a horse could be.The imprisoned lord promised to get such a horse if the king would set him free at once. As soon as he was given his liberty, the lord asked the king to send a groom for the horse, but begged that the groom might come neither on Monday nor Tuesday, Wednesday nor Thursday, Friday, Saturday, nor Sunday, but on any other day of the week that suited His Majesty.


"Horses!," said the Texan to the Canadian. "Even you can't talk to me about horses. I once had an old mare that licked the fastest express train on a forty-mile-run right on our property.

"That's nothing!", said the Canadian, "I was out about fifty miles from my house on my farm one day when a frightful storm came up. I turned the pony's head for home, and do you know, he raced the storm so close for the last ten miles that I didn't feel a drop while my dog, only ten yards behind, had to swim the whole distance.


At the post office a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it took three. "I'd like to know why," she scoffed.
The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, "The horses are a lot older now?"


It was a violent storm, but Rene Descartes and his colleague Raoul had agreed to attend a philosopher's convention in Paris. En route, their carriage became hopelessly mired in the mud. Refusing to accept defeat, Descartes leapt from the carriage, pushed the driver aside, and began pulling on the horse. The animal bolted and knocked the philosopher back into the mud. Raoul climbed out and they helped the dazed Frenchman to his feet. "
In the future, " the driver said to Raoul, "you would be wise not to put Descartes before the horse."


Once upon a time there were three brothers who were knights in a certain kingdom.  Now there was a Princess in a neighboring kingdom who was of marriageable age. The three brothers set off to travel there and see if one of them could win her hand. They set off in full armor, with their horses and their page. The road was long and there were many obstacles along the way, robbers to be overcome, hard terrain to cross. As they coped with each obstacle they became more and more disgusted with their page. He was not only inept, he was a coward, he could not handle the horses, he was in short a complete flop. When they arrived at the court of the kingdom, they found that they were expected to present the Princess with some treasure. The two older brothers were discouraged, since they had not thought of this and were unprepared.  But the youngest brother had the answer: "Promise her anything, but give her our page."    

[I know what your thinking, but I couldn't help myself. -Ed. :-)]


During the California gold rush, there were few women present and Mail Order Brides became popular. One lonely miner sent east for his bride,   and met her at the rail station upon her arrival from the east. They set out for their new home in a horse drawn buggy.

A few miles from the rail station, the horse swiped the man's face with his tail. The man wiped his face and muttered, "That's one." A few miles later the horse repeated the swipe again and the man muttered, "That's two." A little while later, the horse swiped his tail across the man's face again. The man stopped the horse, exited the buggy and shot the horse dead.

The new bride exclaimed,"That was a little extreme!"

The man turned to her and said, "That's one."


(Anonymous -  no one was man enough to admit this was their's)


See also the Horse Politics page


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