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YxK Crisis Related Humor
How to solve the Y2K (Year 2000) computer issue:
The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many
sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Thank you.
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the
screen. What do I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
Contributed by Sue Pearson
THE Y1K CRISIS
Canterbury, England. A.D. 999.
An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout Europe as the millennial
year 1000 approaches, bringing with it the so-called "Y1K Bug," a
menace which, until recently, hardly anyone had ever heard of. Prophets of doom
are warning that the entire fabric of Western Civil-ization, based as it now is
upon monastic computations, could collapse, and that there is simply not enough
time left to fix the problem.
Just how did this disaster-in-the-making ever arise? Why did no one anticipate
that a change from a three-digit to a four-digit year would throw into total
disarray all liturgical chants and all metrical verse in which any date is
mentioned? Every formulaic hymn, prayer, ceremony and incantation dealing with
dated events will have to be re-written to accommodate three extra syllables.
All tabular chronologies with three-space year columns, maintained for
generations by scribes using carefully hand-ruled lines on vellum sheets, will
now have to be converted to four-space columns, at enormous cost. In the
meantime, the validity of every official event, from baptisms to burials, from
confirmations to coronations, may be called into question.
"We should have seen it coming ," says Brother Cedric of St. Michael
Abbey, here in Canterbury. "What worries me most is that THOUSAND contains
the word THOU, which occurs in nearly all our prayers, and of course always
refers to God. Using it now in the name of the year will seem almost
blasphemous, and is bound to cause terrible confusion. Of course, we could
always use Latin, but that might be even worse -- The Latin word for Thousand is
Mille which is the same as the Latin for mile. We won't know whether we are
talking about time or distance!"
Stonemasons are already reported threatening to demand a proportional pay
increase for having to carve an extra numeral in all dates on tombstones,
cornerstones and monuments. Together with its inevitable ripple effects, this
alone could plunge the hitherto-stable medieval economy into chaos.
A conference of clerics has been called at Winchester to discuss the entire
issue, but doomsayers are convinced that the matter is now one of personal
survival. Many families, in expectation of the worst, are stocking up on holy
water and indulgences.
Y Zero K Problem
Translated from Latin Scroll dated 2 B.C.
Dear Cassius,
Are you still working on the Y zero K problem?
This change from B.C. to A.D. is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much time left. I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downward forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think someone would have thought of this earlier, and not left it to sort out at the last minute.
We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downward using minus BC won't work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful. Surely we will have to throw out our hardware and start again. Macrohard will make another fortune out of this I suppose. The money lenders are paranoid of course. They have been told that the usury RATES will invert and that they will have to pay their clients to take out loans. It's an ill wind.
As for myself, I just can't see the sand in the hour glass flowing upward. We have heard that there are three wise men from the east how have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's over. I have heard that there are plans to stable all of the horses at midnight at the turn of the year for fears that they will stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to the chariots and possible loss of life. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition.
Anyway, we are still continuing to work on the blasted problem. I will send a parchment to you if anything further develops.
Regards,
Plutonius
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