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You Might Be A Redneck If...

Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup
Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
You own a denim leisure suit.
Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you're at work.
You cut your toenails in front of company.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You have grease under your toenails.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Your mother comes outta the bathroom and says, "Y'all come look at this before I flush it"
You mow your lawn and find a car.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your `huntin' dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just the men.
When you see a sign that says, "Say No To Crack!" it reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose! "
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?".
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".
You can belch and say your name at the same time.
You sit up all night with a sick dog, but make your wife stay up with a sick kid.
You can talk for more than 20 minutes on the difference between squirrel and rabbit stew.
You have scars on the back of your hand where Uncle Jeb stabbed you while you were reaching for the last piece of fried chicken.
Your bike has a gun rack on it.
You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly possessions.
You ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.
After removing the empty beer cans from your car, you find that it gets fifteen more miles to the gallon.
You know which leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
Anyone in your family died right after saying "Hey, Y'all watch this!".
Your two year old has more teeth than you do.
You refer to the duct tape on your car as "chrome".
Your truck stalled on the expressway. And you never went back for it.
You wish your outhouse were as nice as those at the state park.
The family business needs a lookout.
You've painted a car with house paint.
You think the stock market is a place to buy hogs.
Your mama can back down a biker.
You ever named a child after a dog.
Your truck has a new sunroof because the shotgun fell off the rack when you slammed the door.
You walk your dog & you both use the same tree down on the corner.
A fancy night out for your family is a jaunt through the drive thru window at Hardee's.
All of your four letter words are two syllables.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
People hear your car a long time before they see it
On Sunday's people stop by to ask if you're having a yard sale and you're not
When you take your trash to the dump and you return home with more stuff than you left with.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
You ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her behind.
You think the play The King and I is about Elvis.
You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
Your nicest towels say, "Property of Motel 6".
You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.

You might be a Redneck Jedi Knight if...

* You ever uttered the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
* At least one wing of your X-wing is primer colored.
* You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
* Wookies are offended by your B.O.
* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
* You have a confederate flag painted on your flight helmet.
* You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
* You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
* In your opinion, that Cee-Threepio fellow "just ain't right."
* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
* The REAL reason you got into a fight in the cantina was because you ordered Bud Light...and they didn't have it.
* You ever fell in love with your sister.

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