EQUERRY.COM - Humor Barn - Things You Can Do

[Back to Equerry Humor Barn - Horse Humor]

Things You Can Do...

... At Work To Keep Your Sanity ...

1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry. I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Zatrochious."

4. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."

7. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

8. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

9. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

10. Insist that your e-mail address be "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"

11. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

12. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

13. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

14. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

15. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

16. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

17. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.

18. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

19. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

... In An Elevator

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, SHUT up, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now, not motion sickness!"
Meow occasionally.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Start a sing-along.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Play the harmonica.
Shadow box.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Lean against the button panel.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Bring a chair along.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Blow spit bubbles.
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
One word: Flatulence!
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
Jump up and down as the elavator is moving and say "I wonder how long it will hold"
Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.
Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"
Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.
Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.
Make chalk drawings on the walls.
As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down!
Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.
Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

Top

Equerry and Equerry.com and logos are Service/Trademarks of Timon, Inc.

[Home] [Back] [Top] [Fun Barn] [Humor Barn] [Feedback] [Advertise] [MarketPlace] [Site]